If you just started reading, I got your attention! It might mean that you have some s#!t in your life currently or your past or both. This subject matter has been rolling around in my mind for a while now it is time to get it down to hopefully help others!
You see, I had ‘s#!t’ that I carried around most of my life. What realization came to me is that subconsciously it affected my behavior, how I related to other people and my self-worth. Oh, yes, I put on strong faces and hid it, that is what most people do with it! Mine started when I was a little girl and it wasn’t until a few years ago that I faced it head on. Then with time, crying and then embracing it, (I mean squeezing it so hard it could pop) my life changed. It caused me to be free! My wings came in!
In discussions with some about this topic they said ‘please give us steps’. So, I will try, at least give you mine as they may work for you or start you on your path. I won’t be going deep into what my s#!t was because that is not the point of this blog. Put yours in the place of mine as you read it.
Step 1: Admit to yourself first that it exists in your life. No matter what yours is, it is there and it stinks! It hurts! It may be new or old. It makes you angry. It makes you sad. It makes you think less of yourself. It makes you think others think poorly of you. Whatever yours is, admit it to yourself! My suggestion is say it out loud, in a room alone if need be, but say the words. Scream them if you so feel. Cry if it helps. Slam things! Do whatever helps you release! Just get them out.
Step 2: Find someone or people you trust, who will help you go where you are afraid to go. It may be a friend, a loved one or even professional help. Someone who will listen and hear you from their soul because you are talking from yours. Tell them what you told yourself in that room alone. Using all the same emotion is OK.
Mine didn’t quite work out that way. Here’s what happened to me. While in a workshop with a group of people, who, by the way, were strangers. It was my turn to be at the front of the room and be asked some questions, (I was first, being the volunteer queen I am), so I didn’t know where this was really going. How bad could it be? Then I quickly realized these were questions that would dig down deep to places I didn’t dare go. The answers were stuffed in a box that just didn’t get opened from fear of what others would think! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that day was going to be ‘the day’ of telling this group of strangers a secret I had never told anyone, not my parents, siblings, husband, closest friends and most definitely not my children. All out of shame. They might not love me anymore! Because the problem had to be me.
Luckily the person who was asking the question did listen and did hear. When I cried like I have never cried, before or since, he didn’t give up on me until I got there. (Yes, you do have to have some bravery at this part). He was passionate and caring to me. There was a little fear on his part that I might be having a nervous breakdown, but it was all OK. (The right people hang in there with you).
When I finally told my secret, all of a sudden there was a relief that came over me. A feeling I never felt before a calmness. Look, the people in the room didn’t run away. They didn’t think less of me. They ‘embraced me’ not literally, but supportively. (Hugs did come later). Many started sharing their stories, similar or what their ‘s#!t’ was. In a room of strangers, I was not alone.
Step 3: Repeat. No, I don’t mean to repeat steps one and two. What I do mean is talk about your story and what happened to you. Do it in the right places, context and people. Continue to share it over and over and over! Don’t be afraid or ashamed of it anymore because when you get it out there you start to understand that the boat you are in has a lot more rowers on board, you just couldn’t see them before. They want to help because they have been or are in the same boat! Let them. Become the best listener and listen to them, hear them, grab on to the golden nuggets they give. When you come across the occasional person who doesn’t quite ‘get it’. Just leave them behind and keep rowing forward.
By the way, when you need a ‘rower’ I am here to listen and hear!
If I understood as a child that I had nothing to be ashamed of, it might have all been different, my whole life. I wouldn’t change my life, the ups, the downs and the in-betweens. Therefore, I embrace my S#!t…because this action has changed my relationships, first with myself, I have accepted who I am, then with my family, friends, and colleagues, all for the better. I embrace my S#!t because it got me here, to you, reading this and hopefully starting you on a path. My prayer is that it helps you to embrace yours and then find your freedom, peace and wings. Life is amazing. Embrace it, embrace all of it you new day is dawing!
(I am looking for stories from people who have done this and come out on the other side. If you are willing to share your story please contact me at NanetteP@Asentiv.com)